You would think, this being the age of technology and computers and basically mind reading, that a college that charges upward of $45,000 a year to attend and use its facilities could find the place in its budget for upgrading from the typical, probably antique chalkboard to a more user friendly, technologically advanced whiteboard. But no. That would just be too practical.
And you don't learn practicality at college.
You learn other life skills, like the sound [f] is a voiceless labiodental fricative.
Or that sometimes the adjectives go in front of the noun in Spanish, but only if the adjective is not comparative, or if it is subjective to the person describing said noun.
Or that in some Hindu philosophy, everything is the same thing, and everything is different things, all at the same time.
But practicality? Nope. Never. Who would ever need to learn things like self-discipline or efficiency or time management or how to cook something besides eggs, all things that come with learning practicality?
It wouldn't be that hard, college! To teach us how to be practical. All it would take on your part is showing that chalkboards are a thing of the past, and that you understand that having a more efficient writing surface in your classrooms is the PRACTICAL thing to do.
Now, to be fair, I'm not sure if buildings like, say, the science and math buildings, have whiteboards. I don't really have classes in there. But if they do, then I refuse to be fair anymore, because this is going to turn into a rant about why society places higher value on math and science and engineering and "things that take real brain power" than English and history and languages and humanities, even though you better know how to read and write and talk before you know how to do high level calculus if you want to get along in society, but that's besides the point. And maybe freaking out about math getting whiteboards long before the languages even get to know what a whiteboard is is not the best way to draw attention to this strangely inequitable divide that has haunted me through most of my high school career and all of my college career, but you have to start somewhere. But anyway. I was talking about chalkboards.
So, the classrooms I frequent are generally not equipped with such grand technology. I don't know if you remember this (because you'd probably have to be alive during the Middle Ages), but chalk is not the most pleasant of substances. It's all dusty, and if you do it wrong, it makes hideous, eardrum shattering noises. And, did I mention that it's dusty? There's no good way to get it off of your person. Either you leave it on your hands and suffer through having scary, probably flammable chalk dust all over your important appendages, or you wipe it off on your clothes, and then people laugh at you all day because you have white splotches all over your otherwise excellent appearance.
Or, of course, you could just leave the room to go wash your hands, but the bathroom is probably six floors away, because whoever designed the building decided that it was only necessary to have one bathroom in the entire place. (Did I mention that this building was the languages building, not the math one, which happens to have bathrooms galore? Oh, sorry. Off topic again.) But then you waste precious class time. And you're basically paying for all that class time, class time that you had to spend in a bathroom, washing terrifying chalk dust off your hands because your in danger of being too expensive college REFUSES TO BUY WHITEBOARDS FOR YOU.
Is this a sign that I care too much about little things? I don't know. Maybe. But maybe the little things make all the difference.
Here. Advice to the children who are choosing a college right now: Disregard everything else about the college of your choice, and go make sure it has whiteboards in every single classroom. Do it. Do it now. Drive to your college and break into the buildings and check out the whiteboard situation. Once you've done that, then go back to all your other requirements. Trust me, though. Whiteboards can make or break your day.
Just make sure you break them before they break you.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
A Life Update
Oh hey. Hey. Long time, no see. Sorry about that.
Do you understand how much busier life is once you're taking 18 credits instead of 14? It's a lot busier. PLUS: the classes are harder and scarier and filled with danger-er. And I had to write about the plague. I think you probably knew that, if you've been reading this blog and its scarce updates. But anyway. All I'll say about that is that I finished it, for now. So there.
In other news, I'm currently on spring break! It's almost spring, so, you know, they can call it spring break. Apparently it's usually next week, in which case, it would actually be spring, but no guarantees that it would actually be warmer. Because this is Minnesota. Gosh.
Anyway, when it was nice out, I got play some sports with some weird siblings I have. We even got all of them involved, at least for a little bit! Except when we were all playing hockey, Dan smashed my thumb with his hockey stick, and basically broke my finger, except not really, but I like to complain. He says he only did that because I kept grabbing his hockey stick and pushing it out of the way, but that's probably not true. He's basically a meanie.
I also went to work. It was terrifying. Actually, not really, but still. I stared at a machine that said, "DANGER: PIECES CAN CAUSE SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH" all day for two entire days. That doesn't make me confident that it wasn't a dangerous job. Plus, all the little tiny pieces of steel sliced and diced my hands. That's probably bad, right? Don't worry. I'll be fine though.
Also! I found out that I got a promotion for next school year! I get to run around and yell at children! And by children, I mean other college students. And by run around and yell, I mean manage in a calm and collected manner, because that's what I said I was going to do in my interview, and they can probably fire me if I do it wrong. But that's exciting, anyway. It means more money for less work, which I could definitely use!
There's a bright red cardinal sitting outside on the tree, and he's being very distracting. Gosh, cardinal guy. Don't you understand I'm trying to write a thing??
In other, other, less important news, I'm currently being addicted to Maroon 5. For some reason. I don't know how long it will be until it wears off, because that's what addiction means, right? That the thing you're addicted to will wear off? Yeah. But--OH NO A BLACK COLORED BIRD SCARED THE CARDINAL AWAY. WHY WOULD YOU BE SO MEAN, BLACK COLORED BIRD? WHY???--their songs are currently playing on repeat on Spotify forever, and ever, ____. (I left that blank there to see if any of you fill it in the same way I do. Hint: It's probably because I went to Catholic school for nine years.)
And now I'm pondering what I should have for lunch.... That's probably the most important decision I'll make all day..... We'll see. Yeah..... Lunch.....
But beyond that, nothing interesting really has happened.... Um.... I guess I'm winning against the girl in my Spanish class who thinks she's amazing at Spanish, and that if you haven't studied in a different country, you can't possibly know anything about Spanish (a comment she's directed at me more than once). So there's some victory in there! Whose essays get used in class as an example of what to do, girl? That's right: mine. Not yours. So.
And on the topic of languages, I think it's now my life goal to learn as many languages as I possibly can. Maybe I'll drop out of college and travel the world to learn all the languages. (Probably not. But it would be a nice thought.)
DON'T DROP OUT OF COLLEGE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, GUYS. HOW ELSE WILL YOU GET A JOB TO SUPPORT YOUR LIFE THAT ISN'T FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS?
Do you understand how much busier life is once you're taking 18 credits instead of 14? It's a lot busier. PLUS: the classes are harder and scarier and filled with danger-er. And I had to write about the plague. I think you probably knew that, if you've been reading this blog and its scarce updates. But anyway. All I'll say about that is that I finished it, for now. So there.
In other news, I'm currently on spring break! It's almost spring, so, you know, they can call it spring break. Apparently it's usually next week, in which case, it would actually be spring, but no guarantees that it would actually be warmer. Because this is Minnesota. Gosh.
Anyway, when it was nice out, I got play some sports with some weird siblings I have. We even got all of them involved, at least for a little bit! Except when we were all playing hockey, Dan smashed my thumb with his hockey stick, and basically broke my finger, except not really, but I like to complain. He says he only did that because I kept grabbing his hockey stick and pushing it out of the way, but that's probably not true. He's basically a meanie.
I also went to work. It was terrifying. Actually, not really, but still. I stared at a machine that said, "DANGER: PIECES CAN CAUSE SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH" all day for two entire days. That doesn't make me confident that it wasn't a dangerous job. Plus, all the little tiny pieces of steel sliced and diced my hands. That's probably bad, right? Don't worry. I'll be fine though.
Also! I found out that I got a promotion for next school year! I get to run around and yell at children! And by children, I mean other college students. And by run around and yell, I mean manage in a calm and collected manner, because that's what I said I was going to do in my interview, and they can probably fire me if I do it wrong. But that's exciting, anyway. It means more money for less work, which I could definitely use!
There's a bright red cardinal sitting outside on the tree, and he's being very distracting. Gosh, cardinal guy. Don't you understand I'm trying to write a thing??
In other, other, less important news, I'm currently being addicted to Maroon 5. For some reason. I don't know how long it will be until it wears off, because that's what addiction means, right? That the thing you're addicted to will wear off? Yeah. But--OH NO A BLACK COLORED BIRD SCARED THE CARDINAL AWAY. WHY WOULD YOU BE SO MEAN, BLACK COLORED BIRD? WHY???--their songs are currently playing on repeat on Spotify forever, and ever, ____. (I left that blank there to see if any of you fill it in the same way I do. Hint: It's probably because I went to Catholic school for nine years.)
And now I'm pondering what I should have for lunch.... That's probably the most important decision I'll make all day..... We'll see. Yeah..... Lunch.....
But beyond that, nothing interesting really has happened.... Um.... I guess I'm winning against the girl in my Spanish class who thinks she's amazing at Spanish, and that if you haven't studied in a different country, you can't possibly know anything about Spanish (a comment she's directed at me more than once). So there's some victory in there! Whose essays get used in class as an example of what to do, girl? That's right: mine. Not yours. So.
And on the topic of languages, I think it's now my life goal to learn as many languages as I possibly can. Maybe I'll drop out of college and travel the world to learn all the languages. (Probably not. But it would be a nice thought.)
DON'T DROP OUT OF COLLEGE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, GUYS. HOW ELSE WILL YOU GET A JOB TO SUPPORT YOUR LIFE THAT ISN'T FOLLOWING YOUR DREAMS?
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
How To: Self-Induced Panic
I only have a week and a half to write a 12 page paper. And yet, here I am, writing this post instead. Because who wants to write papers? Not me.
Except by choosing to not do things that are important, I kind of limit myself to two states of being: 1. (the rarer option by far) Working on my project, or 2. Panic.
It would probably be a lot easier if the things I thought I wanted to research were actually things that were important in the 14th century. It turns out witchcraft wasn't important. So then I just started looking up random things. Because that always ends well.
And now I mostly just go to bed super worried and stressed about the lack of progress I am making. Plus I should work on all the other things that I should work on, like Spanish and linguistics and religion and actually just writing this post is very very concerning to me I might die. And I have to work.
On the other hand, occasionally it's not my fault that I can't work on stuff. Like when the internet is basically shut down for a day (most likely because of the 500 students trying to do research all at the same time, not to mention any normal internet activity). I was going to research things yesterday. I really really was. But noooooo. The internet was being lame, and I was forced to watch Fringe! Ahhh! Way to go internet.
But because of this strange inability to use the internet, I found a book to read about things, and then I kind of decided on a topic and probably even created a thesis, which was excellent and filled with magic, and then I decided that I was progressing too fast, much faster than was healthy, probably, so I stopped doing research.
One thesis a day is enough. No need to work strenuously.
Plus, there are only so many minutes one can force themself to read about death and people whipping themselves. So, you know, no need to get so macabre.
Ha. That was a joke, because my topic is Danse Macabre. (Yeah, marching band! Yeah!)
The end. Because I should probably go at least pretend to do important things.
Except by choosing to not do things that are important, I kind of limit myself to two states of being: 1. (the rarer option by far) Working on my project, or 2. Panic.
It would probably be a lot easier if the things I thought I wanted to research were actually things that were important in the 14th century. It turns out witchcraft wasn't important. So then I just started looking up random things. Because that always ends well.
And now I mostly just go to bed super worried and stressed about the lack of progress I am making. Plus I should work on all the other things that I should work on, like Spanish and linguistics and religion and actually just writing this post is very very concerning to me I might die. And I have to work.
On the other hand, occasionally it's not my fault that I can't work on stuff. Like when the internet is basically shut down for a day (most likely because of the 500 students trying to do research all at the same time, not to mention any normal internet activity). I was going to research things yesterday. I really really was. But noooooo. The internet was being lame, and I was forced to watch Fringe! Ahhh! Way to go internet.
But because of this strange inability to use the internet, I found a book to read about things, and then I kind of decided on a topic and probably even created a thesis, which was excellent and filled with magic, and then I decided that I was progressing too fast, much faster than was healthy, probably, so I stopped doing research.
One thesis a day is enough. No need to work strenuously.
Plus, there are only so many minutes one can force themself to read about death and people whipping themselves. So, you know, no need to get so macabre.
Ha. That was a joke, because my topic is Danse Macabre. (Yeah, marching band! Yeah!)
The end. Because I should probably go at least pretend to do important things.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
How To: Plague
No, calm down. Calm yourselves down. Gosh darn it. Stop leaping to conclusions! You don't even know what I'm thinking right now! You and your overactive imaginations. Snerb snerb snerb. No! No one has the plague! Especially not me! I'm opposed to things like illness, so horrible germs just bounce right off me. There's no need to worry.
But the actual worrying part comes when it turns out I have to a giant research project about the plague. Yes. The actual plague. Like BLACK DEATH BLACK PLAGUE GROSS PESTILENCE PLAGUE-Y PLAGUE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. Ugh.
It's so unfair. One of my friends gets to write about children's literature. I could write about children's literature. But noooooo. I get to write about the pulsating pustule puffer plague of people who refuse to bath on religious grounds.
And there are beautiful entries in the book I have to read, such as, "Victims violently coughed up blood, and after three days of incessant vomiting for which there was no remedy, they died, and with them died not only everyone who talked with them but also anyone who had acquired or touched or laid hands on their belongings." (From John Kelly's The Great Mortality)
Thanks for that, Weird English teacher.
So I think I'll probably write about this guy who kind of might have started the Plague, if you so choose to believe in things such as curses and witchcraft-y things. He seems more interesting than investigating actual parts of the Plague. Plus, real medical things are gross. (I can't even deal with my brothers pulling out their loose teeth, so plague symptoms? I might actually die.)
This guy apparently cursed the king of France because the king of France decided to burn this guy alive for going against the church in one of his public statements. And I guess being burned at the stake is a pretty good excuse for cursing someone. Although, if I were going to curse someone, it probably wouldn't be with plague. There are probably way worse things. Like banishing all the turtles of the world. Or making sure no one could wear orange ever again. Those would be horrible things. And if I died by burning, I'd certainly want to punish the world just like this guy. "You have crisped me! I shall steal your happiness! May a million billion years pass by before the world sees another turtle grace its putrid land, and when the first turtle emerges from the dust of your deaths, may the remaining failures among you bow to it and worship it as a deity!" That would be my curse.
Way better than a stupid plague.
Man, I wish I could have actual powers to curse people. Except there are many flaws in this plan. Like, if I were to actually curse the world with no turtles and hope to still be alive, I would be pretty upset. Maybe I would amend the curse, so it would be that I would be the only one to have a turtle. Many turtles in fact. I could have a whole hoard of turtles, and they would be my magical friends who would embrace me and my life at every chance they got, and we would rule the world from a magical throne that I would make out of evil, only because I would use all my powers to rid the world of evil, and turtles for others, because they don't deserve turtles. So, um, this got kind of confusing. So sorry.
Anyway. If I spend as much time actually researching things as I do writing blog posts and doing other "important" things, I would probably actually be ahead of the game. But alas, I have no such self-control. I'm filled with the extreme desire to finish all 5 seasons of Fringe and catalog them. It's a struggle. Maybe I shouldn't have so much freedom. Maybe I should live in the library this semester. That would be easier to get things done. Plus, books about the Plague live in the library!
Ahh! Except maybe the books about the Plague actually have the Plague, and I probably shouldn't touch them but then how would I get my paper done and oh no I've invented an impossible to solve paradox maybe I should just get to write about children't literature that would be a good solution in which I would both be happy AND not have the Plague.
Please and thank you.
But the actual worrying part comes when it turns out I have to a giant research project about the plague. Yes. The actual plague. Like BLACK DEATH BLACK PLAGUE GROSS PESTILENCE PLAGUE-Y PLAGUE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. Ugh.
It's so unfair. One of my friends gets to write about children's literature. I could write about children's literature. But noooooo. I get to write about the pulsating pustule puffer plague of people who refuse to bath on religious grounds.
And there are beautiful entries in the book I have to read, such as, "Victims violently coughed up blood, and after three days of incessant vomiting for which there was no remedy, they died, and with them died not only everyone who talked with them but also anyone who had acquired or touched or laid hands on their belongings." (From John Kelly's The Great Mortality)
Thanks for that, Weird English teacher.
So I think I'll probably write about this guy who kind of might have started the Plague, if you so choose to believe in things such as curses and witchcraft-y things. He seems more interesting than investigating actual parts of the Plague. Plus, real medical things are gross. (I can't even deal with my brothers pulling out their loose teeth, so plague symptoms? I might actually die.)
This guy apparently cursed the king of France because the king of France decided to burn this guy alive for going against the church in one of his public statements. And I guess being burned at the stake is a pretty good excuse for cursing someone. Although, if I were going to curse someone, it probably wouldn't be with plague. There are probably way worse things. Like banishing all the turtles of the world. Or making sure no one could wear orange ever again. Those would be horrible things. And if I died by burning, I'd certainly want to punish the world just like this guy. "You have crisped me! I shall steal your happiness! May a million billion years pass by before the world sees another turtle grace its putrid land, and when the first turtle emerges from the dust of your deaths, may the remaining failures among you bow to it and worship it as a deity!" That would be my curse.
Way better than a stupid plague.
Man, I wish I could have actual powers to curse people. Except there are many flaws in this plan. Like, if I were to actually curse the world with no turtles and hope to still be alive, I would be pretty upset. Maybe I would amend the curse, so it would be that I would be the only one to have a turtle. Many turtles in fact. I could have a whole hoard of turtles, and they would be my magical friends who would embrace me and my life at every chance they got, and we would rule the world from a magical throne that I would make out of evil, only because I would use all my powers to rid the world of evil, and turtles for others, because they don't deserve turtles. So, um, this got kind of confusing. So sorry.
Anyway. If I spend as much time actually researching things as I do writing blog posts and doing other "important" things, I would probably actually be ahead of the game. But alas, I have no such self-control. I'm filled with the extreme desire to finish all 5 seasons of Fringe and catalog them. It's a struggle. Maybe I shouldn't have so much freedom. Maybe I should live in the library this semester. That would be easier to get things done. Plus, books about the Plague live in the library!
Ahh! Except maybe the books about the Plague actually have the Plague, and I probably shouldn't touch them but then how would I get my paper done and oh no I've invented an impossible to solve paradox maybe I should just get to write about children't literature that would be a good solution in which I would both be happy AND not have the Plague.
Please and thank you.
Friday, February 13, 2015
I FORGOT THE LINKS GUYS I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME
The weird version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJEoASUMZbI
The original version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6DA_WwO90c
If you're scarred for life, please don't sue me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJEoASUMZbI
The original version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6DA_WwO90c
If you're scarred for life, please don't sue me.
How To: Round Two
Oh yeah. Back at college. Because everyone knows that New Mexican heaven can't last forever. And don't get me wrong. New Mexico was amazing. And I miss my kids (if I can really call them mine) and the 55 degree weather and trips to incredible rock features and talking with other people who really care about the same things I care about and dancing to the Pizza Song (see possible links below) while making our own homemade pizza.
But at the same time, I kind of missed the chill of wind when you have to walk to a class that you really really like, like Spanish! and seeing snowmen pop up all around campus after there's been a blizzard and talking to people with different opinions about different things and also the pictures on my desk of all my friends.
So I must simply readjust my settings from New Mexico expectations to real life Iowa expectations.
But coming back for second semester is a little strange, I think. It's easier to get into a routine, because you already know what to expect, at least from things like food and living and work and all that stuff. All you really need to adjust to is your classes, and since you've been going to school for basically thirteen-ish years of your life, that shouldn't be too hard!
And even greater, maybe you even have friends to eat with!
And maybe you have an easier time of just talking to new people in your classes!
And maybe you aren't afraid!
Yeah. That's "How To: Round Two".
Because I do have friends that I like to eat with. And they are lovely people who make me laugh and who think about things the same way I do and who enjoy similar things as I do (Yeah, Settlers of Catan!) and who don't judge me for eating pizza and ice cream, even though it's Friday, and on Fridays we eat pizza and ice cream, even though I definitely forgot that today was Friday and instead ate a fish sandwich and the ice cream machine was broken but it's the principle that counts, right?
And it's way easier to talk to people in my classes, just because I think I kind of know now that even if you think you're basically sounding like a weirdie, everyone else thinks they're sounding like a weirdie, too. And life is all about balance, even if that balance is knowing everyone is as weird as they think they are.
And somehow, you're not afraid people are judging you for walking to the laundry room, because FREAKING EVERYONE has to walk to the laundry room. It's not like you're the only person who does laundry in the whole building. And you're not afraid of people judging you for buying a bag of chips at the weird store, because FREAKING LOTS OF PEOPLE buy chips at the weird store, or else they wouldn't sell them. And you're not afraid of people judging you for taking a shower, because (are you sensing a pattern yet?) FREAKING EVERYONE takes showers. Man. I'm pretty sure life is a lot easier when you realize everyone is just as freaked out about stuff as you are.
So I'm taking some fun classes, like tennis, where I think the main goal so far is to try not to hit people in the head with BOTH the ball and the racquet. And also I have linguistics in which I have to learn a new alphabet, basically. And philosophy of religion, which is like stabbing my brain with a stabber thing. And Spanish! Yah! Yah!
And I also get to work. Today, I served fish to starving villagers. Basically. Except they weren't villagers. But they were probably just about as civil as starving villagers. Anyway. I also am an expert at cutting lemons into wedges now. So if you're ever in need of lemon wedges, I can gladly accomplish this task for you. Even though it was terrifying, and I was like, "Why are these people trusting me with a knife when the first day I worked, I dropped an entire tray of coffee cups on the floor??!!??!!" But no one died. And since number of deaths is the way I measure success, I'm pretty sure I won.
I think I'll be able to survive this semester. I think. It'll take lots of food and possibly a pet turtle, but I will survive!
But at the same time, I kind of missed the chill of wind when you have to walk to a class that you really really like, like Spanish! and seeing snowmen pop up all around campus after there's been a blizzard and talking to people with different opinions about different things and also the pictures on my desk of all my friends.
So I must simply readjust my settings from New Mexico expectations to real life Iowa expectations.
But coming back for second semester is a little strange, I think. It's easier to get into a routine, because you already know what to expect, at least from things like food and living and work and all that stuff. All you really need to adjust to is your classes, and since you've been going to school for basically thirteen-ish years of your life, that shouldn't be too hard!
And even greater, maybe you even have friends to eat with!
And maybe you have an easier time of just talking to new people in your classes!
And maybe you aren't afraid!
Yeah. That's "How To: Round Two".
Because I do have friends that I like to eat with. And they are lovely people who make me laugh and who think about things the same way I do and who enjoy similar things as I do (Yeah, Settlers of Catan!) and who don't judge me for eating pizza and ice cream, even though it's Friday, and on Fridays we eat pizza and ice cream, even though I definitely forgot that today was Friday and instead ate a fish sandwich and the ice cream machine was broken but it's the principle that counts, right?
And it's way easier to talk to people in my classes, just because I think I kind of know now that even if you think you're basically sounding like a weirdie, everyone else thinks they're sounding like a weirdie, too. And life is all about balance, even if that balance is knowing everyone is as weird as they think they are.
And somehow, you're not afraid people are judging you for walking to the laundry room, because FREAKING EVERYONE has to walk to the laundry room. It's not like you're the only person who does laundry in the whole building. And you're not afraid of people judging you for buying a bag of chips at the weird store, because FREAKING LOTS OF PEOPLE buy chips at the weird store, or else they wouldn't sell them. And you're not afraid of people judging you for taking a shower, because (are you sensing a pattern yet?) FREAKING EVERYONE takes showers. Man. I'm pretty sure life is a lot easier when you realize everyone is just as freaked out about stuff as you are.
So I'm taking some fun classes, like tennis, where I think the main goal so far is to try not to hit people in the head with BOTH the ball and the racquet. And also I have linguistics in which I have to learn a new alphabet, basically. And philosophy of religion, which is like stabbing my brain with a stabber thing. And Spanish! Yah! Yah!
And I also get to work. Today, I served fish to starving villagers. Basically. Except they weren't villagers. But they were probably just about as civil as starving villagers. Anyway. I also am an expert at cutting lemons into wedges now. So if you're ever in need of lemon wedges, I can gladly accomplish this task for you. Even though it was terrifying, and I was like, "Why are these people trusting me with a knife when the first day I worked, I dropped an entire tray of coffee cups on the floor??!!??!!" But no one died. And since number of deaths is the way I measure success, I'm pretty sure I won.
I think I'll be able to survive this semester. I think. It'll take lots of food and possibly a pet turtle, but I will survive!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Confessions of the Sickly
It's been two weeks since I've written things. I apologize for my lack of timeliness on this thing. Can I use the excuse that I've been busy? I use that excuse a lot. Maybe I should come up with something better. Like: I got trapped in a swamp full of alligators, but they all wore bonnets and it turned out they wanted to throw me a tea part, but I don't even like tea, so I just pretended to drink it so as not to be rude, but also because they could have poisoned it or something. How's that for an excuse?
In actuality, though, I have been kind of busy. I had my last week in New Mexico, my last week with my students, and then we had to drive home. And so I am home now! Except I've been sick for five entire days. I like to call it "The Disease that Proves to Me How Unnecessary it is to Breathe more than Once ever Five Minutes". And also I lost my voice. You never want to talk as much as when you can't. Plus, I CAN'T SOUND ANGRY ANYMORE, because if I talk at any pitch other than a strange whisper-y thing, my voice vanishes into the distance like a rabid donkey.
So I've mostly been sleeping and focusing on breathing and trying to not cough up a lung and drinking hot chocolate out of my turtle mug that I bought at the Flea Market in New Mexico and also catching up on all the TV shows I missed while far away with poor access to the internet. (Not necessarily proud of that last one, but I'm not going to lie to you guys.)
And I wanted to write about my final thoughts from New Mexico, but since it's been a while, I hope I haven't forgotten all the things I wanted to say!
I think when I headed down there, I was expecting this experience to completely solidify my desire to be a teacher. I wanted it to make me know for sure that this was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Unfortunately, that was not the outcome.
DON'T WORRY, YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE WORRYING ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW. I still want to be a teacher. I still think that it's what I should be doing with my life. It's just that New Mexico had me thinking more about the reasons why I want to do it. In fact, there were times in the classroom when I sat there and said to myself, "I don't even know what I'm doing here. I don't want to do this with my life." And then the kind of panic that you have when you're having an existential crisis set in, because I've only ever wanted to be a teacher, and that's it, and I've literally never thought about doing anything else, and what if I decided to not teacher--what would I do with my life?
But I think I realized that I just don't want to be the kind of teacher I was observing.
I want to be the teacher who can connect with all the kids, not just the loud, social ones. I want to teach things, not just throw information at kids with the hope that they'll pick something up. I want to see the understanding in all the kids, not just the bright ones. I want to not leave the bright ones behind because "the bright ones don't need us" (actual quote from my teacher).
There were so many kids that I got to work with just because my teacher had already kind of given up on them, either because they were too slow to work at her pace, or because they were quiet, or because she was just too loud to cater to their style.
I had so many small victories with those kids who the teacher didn't pay attention to that I think I've secured my future in just small moments, small smiles. I'll tell you just a few of my favorites:
One student is a very hard worker, a very quiet student, but he works very slowly. My teacher has a policy that if students try but don't finish, she gives them a 70%, no matter how well they've done (which I think is just horrible, but whatever. It's not my classroom.) So I worked with this student, and he finished on time, and when he presented he got 100% and it was amazing!!! YES!
There was another student who would sit at the back of the class and not do anything. He'd have an assignment, but never write anything down. On the first day, I went up to him and asked if he was done, if he needed help, things like that. He told me no. And there's nothing you can do about it, and it makes me upset, because no one ever offers to help him, so he just feels like he doesn't deserve help. So everyday, I'd go up to him and ask if I could help, always with the same result. Until I had been there about eight days. On Thursday of the second week I was there, I went to ask if I could help him, and he said yes. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHH. And I was so happy, and we worked and he finished and it was amazing until he said to me, "No one ever asks to help me. I didn't think you meant it." And then.... I don't... I can't.... GAH, NEW MEXICO, WHY DO YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY????
So I've obviously had a ton of mixed emotions on this trip. I mean, what do these kids do when we're not there? They're stuck with teachers who don't care enough (or have enough resources--it's not entirely their fault) to realize they can finish with ten minutes of help, or who don't even bother to ask if someone is struggling.
But I think in teaching, you just have to realize that you can't get to everyone, and that the victories mean more than the failures. And now I'm kind of just missing the happiness I got from seeing the smiles on kids' faces when they finally understand. But don't worry, self, you'll have plenty more chances to find that feeling. Don't worry.
Suggested life motto: Don't worry.
Suggested life action: Go eat the gummy worms that your mom bought you yesterday.
But really, though, Jen, you should follow your own life motto and don't worry.
In actuality, though, I have been kind of busy. I had my last week in New Mexico, my last week with my students, and then we had to drive home. And so I am home now! Except I've been sick for five entire days. I like to call it "The Disease that Proves to Me How Unnecessary it is to Breathe more than Once ever Five Minutes". And also I lost my voice. You never want to talk as much as when you can't. Plus, I CAN'T SOUND ANGRY ANYMORE, because if I talk at any pitch other than a strange whisper-y thing, my voice vanishes into the distance like a rabid donkey.
So I've mostly been sleeping and focusing on breathing and trying to not cough up a lung and drinking hot chocolate out of my turtle mug that I bought at the Flea Market in New Mexico and also catching up on all the TV shows I missed while far away with poor access to the internet. (Not necessarily proud of that last one, but I'm not going to lie to you guys.)
And I wanted to write about my final thoughts from New Mexico, but since it's been a while, I hope I haven't forgotten all the things I wanted to say!
I think when I headed down there, I was expecting this experience to completely solidify my desire to be a teacher. I wanted it to make me know for sure that this was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Unfortunately, that was not the outcome.
DON'T WORRY, YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE WORRYING ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW. I still want to be a teacher. I still think that it's what I should be doing with my life. It's just that New Mexico had me thinking more about the reasons why I want to do it. In fact, there were times in the classroom when I sat there and said to myself, "I don't even know what I'm doing here. I don't want to do this with my life." And then the kind of panic that you have when you're having an existential crisis set in, because I've only ever wanted to be a teacher, and that's it, and I've literally never thought about doing anything else, and what if I decided to not teacher--what would I do with my life?
But I think I realized that I just don't want to be the kind of teacher I was observing.
I want to be the teacher who can connect with all the kids, not just the loud, social ones. I want to teach things, not just throw information at kids with the hope that they'll pick something up. I want to see the understanding in all the kids, not just the bright ones. I want to not leave the bright ones behind because "the bright ones don't need us" (actual quote from my teacher).
There were so many kids that I got to work with just because my teacher had already kind of given up on them, either because they were too slow to work at her pace, or because they were quiet, or because she was just too loud to cater to their style.
I had so many small victories with those kids who the teacher didn't pay attention to that I think I've secured my future in just small moments, small smiles. I'll tell you just a few of my favorites:
One student is a very hard worker, a very quiet student, but he works very slowly. My teacher has a policy that if students try but don't finish, she gives them a 70%, no matter how well they've done (which I think is just horrible, but whatever. It's not my classroom.) So I worked with this student, and he finished on time, and when he presented he got 100% and it was amazing!!! YES!
There was another student who would sit at the back of the class and not do anything. He'd have an assignment, but never write anything down. On the first day, I went up to him and asked if he was done, if he needed help, things like that. He told me no. And there's nothing you can do about it, and it makes me upset, because no one ever offers to help him, so he just feels like he doesn't deserve help. So everyday, I'd go up to him and ask if I could help, always with the same result. Until I had been there about eight days. On Thursday of the second week I was there, I went to ask if I could help him, and he said yes. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHH. And I was so happy, and we worked and he finished and it was amazing until he said to me, "No one ever asks to help me. I didn't think you meant it." And then.... I don't... I can't.... GAH, NEW MEXICO, WHY DO YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAY????
So I've obviously had a ton of mixed emotions on this trip. I mean, what do these kids do when we're not there? They're stuck with teachers who don't care enough (or have enough resources--it's not entirely their fault) to realize they can finish with ten minutes of help, or who don't even bother to ask if someone is struggling.
But I think in teaching, you just have to realize that you can't get to everyone, and that the victories mean more than the failures. And now I'm kind of just missing the happiness I got from seeing the smiles on kids' faces when they finally understand. But don't worry, self, you'll have plenty more chances to find that feeling. Don't worry.
Suggested life motto: Don't worry.
Suggested life action: Go eat the gummy worms that your mom bought you yesterday.
But really, though, Jen, you should follow your own life motto and don't worry.
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