No, calm down. Calm yourselves down. Gosh darn it. Stop leaping to conclusions! You don't even know what I'm thinking right now! You and your overactive imaginations. Snerb snerb snerb. No! No one has the plague! Especially not me! I'm opposed to things like illness, so horrible germs just bounce right off me. There's no need to worry.
But the actual worrying part comes when it turns out I have to a giant research project about the plague. Yes. The actual plague. Like BLACK DEATH BLACK PLAGUE GROSS PESTILENCE PLAGUE-Y PLAGUE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. Ugh.
It's so unfair. One of my friends gets to write about children's literature. I could write about children's literature. But noooooo. I get to write about the pulsating pustule puffer plague of people who refuse to bath on religious grounds.
And there are beautiful entries in the book I have to read, such as, "Victims violently coughed up blood, and after three days of incessant vomiting for which there was no remedy, they died, and with them died not only everyone who talked with them but also anyone who had acquired or touched or laid hands on their belongings." (From John Kelly's The Great Mortality)
Thanks for that, Weird English teacher.
So I think I'll probably write about this guy who kind of might have started the Plague, if you so choose to believe in things such as curses and witchcraft-y things. He seems more interesting than investigating actual parts of the Plague. Plus, real medical things are gross. (I can't even deal with my brothers pulling out their loose teeth, so plague symptoms? I might actually die.)
This guy apparently cursed the king of France because the king of France decided to burn this guy alive for going against the church in one of his public statements. And I guess being burned at the stake is a pretty good excuse for cursing someone. Although, if I were going to curse someone, it probably wouldn't be with plague. There are probably way worse things. Like banishing all the turtles of the world. Or making sure no one could wear orange ever again. Those would be horrible things. And if I died by burning, I'd certainly want to punish the world just like this guy. "You have crisped me! I shall steal your happiness! May a million billion years pass by before the world sees another turtle grace its putrid land, and when the first turtle emerges from the dust of your deaths, may the remaining failures among you bow to it and worship it as a deity!" That would be my curse.
Way better than a stupid plague.
Man, I wish I could have actual powers to curse people. Except there are many flaws in this plan. Like, if I were to actually curse the world with no turtles and hope to still be alive, I would be pretty upset. Maybe I would amend the curse, so it would be that I would be the only one to have a turtle. Many turtles in fact. I could have a whole hoard of turtles, and they would be my magical friends who would embrace me and my life at every chance they got, and we would rule the world from a magical throne that I would make out of evil, only because I would use all my powers to rid the world of evil, and turtles for others, because they don't deserve turtles. So, um, this got kind of confusing. So sorry.
Anyway. If I spend as much time actually researching things as I do writing blog posts and doing other "important" things, I would probably actually be ahead of the game. But alas, I have no such self-control. I'm filled with the extreme desire to finish all 5 seasons of Fringe and catalog them. It's a struggle. Maybe I shouldn't have so much freedom. Maybe I should live in the library this semester. That would be easier to get things done. Plus, books about the Plague live in the library!
Ahh! Except maybe the books about the Plague actually have the Plague, and I probably shouldn't touch them but then how would I get my paper done and oh no I've invented an impossible to solve paradox maybe I should just get to write about children't literature that would be a good solution in which I would both be happy AND not have the Plague.
Please and thank you.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Friday, February 13, 2015
I FORGOT THE LINKS GUYS I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME
The weird version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJEoASUMZbI
The original version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6DA_WwO90c
If you're scarred for life, please don't sue me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJEoASUMZbI
The original version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6DA_WwO90c
If you're scarred for life, please don't sue me.
How To: Round Two
Oh yeah. Back at college. Because everyone knows that New Mexican heaven can't last forever. And don't get me wrong. New Mexico was amazing. And I miss my kids (if I can really call them mine) and the 55 degree weather and trips to incredible rock features and talking with other people who really care about the same things I care about and dancing to the Pizza Song (see possible links below) while making our own homemade pizza.
But at the same time, I kind of missed the chill of wind when you have to walk to a class that you really really like, like Spanish! and seeing snowmen pop up all around campus after there's been a blizzard and talking to people with different opinions about different things and also the pictures on my desk of all my friends.
So I must simply readjust my settings from New Mexico expectations to real life Iowa expectations.
But coming back for second semester is a little strange, I think. It's easier to get into a routine, because you already know what to expect, at least from things like food and living and work and all that stuff. All you really need to adjust to is your classes, and since you've been going to school for basically thirteen-ish years of your life, that shouldn't be too hard!
And even greater, maybe you even have friends to eat with!
And maybe you have an easier time of just talking to new people in your classes!
And maybe you aren't afraid!
Yeah. That's "How To: Round Two".
Because I do have friends that I like to eat with. And they are lovely people who make me laugh and who think about things the same way I do and who enjoy similar things as I do (Yeah, Settlers of Catan!) and who don't judge me for eating pizza and ice cream, even though it's Friday, and on Fridays we eat pizza and ice cream, even though I definitely forgot that today was Friday and instead ate a fish sandwich and the ice cream machine was broken but it's the principle that counts, right?
And it's way easier to talk to people in my classes, just because I think I kind of know now that even if you think you're basically sounding like a weirdie, everyone else thinks they're sounding like a weirdie, too. And life is all about balance, even if that balance is knowing everyone is as weird as they think they are.
And somehow, you're not afraid people are judging you for walking to the laundry room, because FREAKING EVERYONE has to walk to the laundry room. It's not like you're the only person who does laundry in the whole building. And you're not afraid of people judging you for buying a bag of chips at the weird store, because FREAKING LOTS OF PEOPLE buy chips at the weird store, or else they wouldn't sell them. And you're not afraid of people judging you for taking a shower, because (are you sensing a pattern yet?) FREAKING EVERYONE takes showers. Man. I'm pretty sure life is a lot easier when you realize everyone is just as freaked out about stuff as you are.
So I'm taking some fun classes, like tennis, where I think the main goal so far is to try not to hit people in the head with BOTH the ball and the racquet. And also I have linguistics in which I have to learn a new alphabet, basically. And philosophy of religion, which is like stabbing my brain with a stabber thing. And Spanish! Yah! Yah!
And I also get to work. Today, I served fish to starving villagers. Basically. Except they weren't villagers. But they were probably just about as civil as starving villagers. Anyway. I also am an expert at cutting lemons into wedges now. So if you're ever in need of lemon wedges, I can gladly accomplish this task for you. Even though it was terrifying, and I was like, "Why are these people trusting me with a knife when the first day I worked, I dropped an entire tray of coffee cups on the floor??!!??!!" But no one died. And since number of deaths is the way I measure success, I'm pretty sure I won.
I think I'll be able to survive this semester. I think. It'll take lots of food and possibly a pet turtle, but I will survive!
But at the same time, I kind of missed the chill of wind when you have to walk to a class that you really really like, like Spanish! and seeing snowmen pop up all around campus after there's been a blizzard and talking to people with different opinions about different things and also the pictures on my desk of all my friends.
So I must simply readjust my settings from New Mexico expectations to real life Iowa expectations.
But coming back for second semester is a little strange, I think. It's easier to get into a routine, because you already know what to expect, at least from things like food and living and work and all that stuff. All you really need to adjust to is your classes, and since you've been going to school for basically thirteen-ish years of your life, that shouldn't be too hard!
And even greater, maybe you even have friends to eat with!
And maybe you have an easier time of just talking to new people in your classes!
And maybe you aren't afraid!
Yeah. That's "How To: Round Two".
Because I do have friends that I like to eat with. And they are lovely people who make me laugh and who think about things the same way I do and who enjoy similar things as I do (Yeah, Settlers of Catan!) and who don't judge me for eating pizza and ice cream, even though it's Friday, and on Fridays we eat pizza and ice cream, even though I definitely forgot that today was Friday and instead ate a fish sandwich and the ice cream machine was broken but it's the principle that counts, right?
And it's way easier to talk to people in my classes, just because I think I kind of know now that even if you think you're basically sounding like a weirdie, everyone else thinks they're sounding like a weirdie, too. And life is all about balance, even if that balance is knowing everyone is as weird as they think they are.
And somehow, you're not afraid people are judging you for walking to the laundry room, because FREAKING EVERYONE has to walk to the laundry room. It's not like you're the only person who does laundry in the whole building. And you're not afraid of people judging you for buying a bag of chips at the weird store, because FREAKING LOTS OF PEOPLE buy chips at the weird store, or else they wouldn't sell them. And you're not afraid of people judging you for taking a shower, because (are you sensing a pattern yet?) FREAKING EVERYONE takes showers. Man. I'm pretty sure life is a lot easier when you realize everyone is just as freaked out about stuff as you are.
So I'm taking some fun classes, like tennis, where I think the main goal so far is to try not to hit people in the head with BOTH the ball and the racquet. And also I have linguistics in which I have to learn a new alphabet, basically. And philosophy of religion, which is like stabbing my brain with a stabber thing. And Spanish! Yah! Yah!
And I also get to work. Today, I served fish to starving villagers. Basically. Except they weren't villagers. But they were probably just about as civil as starving villagers. Anyway. I also am an expert at cutting lemons into wedges now. So if you're ever in need of lemon wedges, I can gladly accomplish this task for you. Even though it was terrifying, and I was like, "Why are these people trusting me with a knife when the first day I worked, I dropped an entire tray of coffee cups on the floor??!!??!!" But no one died. And since number of deaths is the way I measure success, I'm pretty sure I won.
I think I'll be able to survive this semester. I think. It'll take lots of food and possibly a pet turtle, but I will survive!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)