A Journey

I have a ginormous head ache. It's pretty great. I'm also really bored and should be doing things besides writing this (which seems to be a common theme among the beginnings of my posts) but too bad. So I'm just going to write and see where this goes.

The sunset outside my window is pretty incredible right now. It's mostly orange surrounded by some dark gray-ish purple and them some yellow clouds overhead. I don't know what I did to deserve this view, but maybe I was a good child in some universe.

There was once a child who tried to be a good kid, but everything he did was entirely wrong, because people just didn't understand what he was trying to do. They said, "No, no kid. That's not how good people behave, why aren't you doing the right thing?" But they just didn't understand. Because somehow the "right thing" became a social norm in which trying to ignore all the problems of the world was good. The kid didn't want to ignore the problems, so he tried his gosh darn hardest to fix them all one by one. Soon, though, the kid realized that his futile efforts were being wasted, because no one else could understand what he did. They shunned him, they exiled him, and the kid grew up on an island all alone.

I wore a dress today, because dresses and nice clothes are supposed to make you feel good about yourself. But it's kind of weird when people who normally mostly just ignore you randomly come up to you and say, "Wow! You look so nice today!" I know it's supposed to seem like a compliment, but it kind of just makes me feel like they usually think I look like a hobo. But I also don't care. I like how I look. I also went to dinner today wearing my dress, because I was too lazy to change, and tennis shoes, because my feet hurt from wearing nice shoes all day, and an old high school jacket, because it was raining and I needed pockets. And I didn't even care that people probably thought I was a super weirdie. So that's a plus on the self-esteem side of things.

But his island was the best place on earth. There was no hunger or pain or danger or hatred or indifference. There was only the kid and his pets and his love of the world. Soon, though, the kid was lonely, and he missed his abilities to help people. He felt the poorness of the world growing and knew there was nothing he could do because he was stuck on the island.

I should draw more. I don't even like drawing. I like doodling though, which is like the baby version of doodling. It's pretty great, even though I hate it when my notebooks are filled with random scribbles. I need a special notebook that I can just doodle in. And I need colorful pens to make everything more colorful. If someone wanted to get me those for my birthday, that would be pretty great.

He decided that he would use his new found magical powers to transport his island to a place where people didn't take helping others for granted. He waved his unicorn's horn above the island and the magic filled the air, swirling and dancing above the lush purple leaves of the Jenaple trees. The island took off from the water as if it were a helicopter. All the people who had exiled the kid stared in wonder and awe as the inexplicable kid flew his paradise to a new land.

Do you know what I'm about? I'll tell you. I'm about happiness and if not that then contentedness. I'm about tolerance. I'm about playing with children and making sure my brothers always think I'm weird, even if I don't talk to them everyday. I'm about thinking about things. I'm about worrying about things that won't matter a year from now. I'm about Spanish. I'm about figuring out how to tell people I love them, even if it's scary. I'm about grammar. I'm about learning and teaching and helping. I'm about working hard but making sure it's fun to sit still. I'm about music and wonder. I'm about toast (occasionally) and butter. I'm about judging in a completely not judgmental way. I'm about forgiveness and remembering. I'm about keeping the best friends I have. I'm about magic. Mostly about magic.

They begged and pleaded and screamed and cried for him to land his island. They wanted to share his magic, they finally understood what he meant by trying to be good. But the kid just shook his head sadly. He knew they would never be able to fully appreciate his magic and his words, because they had not yet lost their most fatal flaw. He almost took pity on the people, but there was nothing he would ever be able to do for them. He knew they had to come to the understanding, not through a magic which certainly could have cured their shallowness, but through their own suffering.

I think I've lost a lot of my clothes since coming to college eight-ish months ago. I was looking for shorts to change into, when I, you know, finally decided that sitting in a dress wasn't comfortable enough, but I could not find them. I know I brought like three pairs to school, and I could not find a single one and I was about to start dying, but then it turns out they were hiding at the front of my drawer. Which makes no sense, because I haven't worn shorts for a bunch of months, so why would they be at the front, riddle me this, Joker??

As he left the farthest corner of the land, he heard the faintest cry, the words of a little girl. She said, "Kid, I'll never stop looking for you." He peered over the edge of his island, and the girl, holding a tiny green balloon, missing all but her two front teeth, waved a tiny hand. "Kid, I'll never not believe in the goodness," she said. And he smiled back at her, revealing a grin of only two front teeth.

I wish I liked singing and dancing in front of other people. That would make life a lot more easier/funner maybe. Maybe people would think I like having fun! Maybe you don't need to sing and dance to have fun. Maybe that's a culturally perpetuated stereotype that we should be breaking down through sociology. Maybe I should be praised for my timidness.

He was not a kid anymore. He knew the world he was leaving would be safe in the new kid's hands.

You're the new kid.