How To: Homework

By now, I might guess because I'm having this problem, you may be a little homework-ly-intensive-ly struggling through your sixth week of college. And also, midterms. No one likes tests. Especially you. But I like tests. Because it means no homework! I mean, no real homework. I guess you're still supposed to study, but that's for sure not required.

But, before you get to study, you have to do lots of menial work. All the people who told you what college was like probably said that college was a lot of long term, important, heavily weighted things like essays and finals. However, these people probably were talking about what happens in the final years of your college career. Because right now, you still have a bunch of stuff to do every single stinking day.

Firstly, I recommend that schedule your classes so you only have classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That way you have a whole day in between to get everything done. Plus, Tuesdays and Thursdays are super super boring and they make you look forward to having classes on the other days.

If this isn't possible because your college is cruel and evil, you'll have to learn how to budget your time more constructively. You should try to get as much homework done before dinner, because usually important meetings happen after dinner, and also, sleep is good. Don't be the stereotypical college kid that stays up super late all the time. Plus, you'll probably want the time after dinner to be relaxing and filled with things that don't stress you out.

Also, I recommend doing the easy things first. Because then you'll feel like you're really making progress. For example, if you have four, five minute Spanish things to do, do them right away, and you'll be like, "I just finished four whole things! I can take a break now!" And then you can take a break! Then, after you've adequately rested, you can tackle the harder things. Usually the harder things involve reading long portions of text. These are only hard because they take up so much time. But you won't feel as bad once you've gotten all the menial work out of the way!

If you have essays to write, usually your professor will ask for a rough draft. That is basically a code for, "Please write this essay in 45 minutes so I can see who writes well in a short amount of time." Don't waste a bunch of time on a first draft when you know you're going to have to change a bunch of it anyway. Plus, if you've thoroughly read/researched your topic, you should only need about ten minutes per page. That means a four page essay could be done in 40 minutes. This works especially well for essays where you're supposed to analyze a long book with a specific prompt. Because "specific" actually means "only use this chapter to find your evidence." Then you don't have to go around and hunt through the book for a bajillion different quotes about a bajillion different things.

The only thing you should actually be worried about when it comes to homework is the speaking/presentation aspects of it. If you need to do something memorized, you really do actually need to practice. You should first write out the thing you want to say, because even though it might sound good in your head, the words on the paper sound better out loud. Then you should read the thing in your head. Then you should read it out loud and see how many people look at you like you're a weirdo. Then you should see how far you can get without having to look at the paper. Maybe even hide the paper so you can't cheat, and so you can also see what you would do if you indeed forgot part of your presentation in the middle. Improvisation is a good skill. Also, maybe, if you have friends or people in your classes who tolerate you, you can practice with them. They will tell you all the places you messed up. Don't worry; it's called constructive criticism.

Also, color. Color with crayons. This is the best stress relieving advice for homework ever. Color a cow. Or a turtle. Or maybe a rainbow. Then maybe all you troubles will melt away and you won't even have homework anymore.