How To: Classes

Yeah. Yeah right. That's what you're saying in your head right now. I don't go to classes in college. College isn't for learning. College is for sleeping. While I might agree with you, my bank account does not. If I wanted to sleep, I could stay home with my parents. (Just kidding. They'd probably kick me out if all I did was sleep.) But nooooooo. I've decided to pay thousands of dollars to go and learn things about things that may or may not matter to me in four years. And so have you. So you better not spend all your time sleeping.

Classes are actually required by most colleges. Unlike eating. You don't have to eat, although you should. You don't have to do laundry, although, I'm begging you, you really really should. But classes are required. Go to them.

Firstly, you should triple check your room number. This is probably even more important than making sure you're on time. Because it would be very much worse to walk into a calculus class when you're actually trying to find Spanish 394 than it would be to walk a few minutes late into said Spanish class. Teachers and colleges are slightly apt to change the classroom without notice, so I advise bookmarking your class schedule on your computer task bar so you can just quick check before you leave your room.

That being said, it really is important to be on time to your classes. By now, you should know how long it takes to get to a certain class from a certain place. Try and leave a little early even so, because you never know what kinds of things you might encounter on your dangerous path to class. Perhaps there'll be a murder. Of crows. Or something just as sinister. But really. Walking is always good, because class means you'll be sitting for a while, and you should get your exercise. Plus, you might actually have nice weather occasionally and you might enjoy a couple extra minutes of sunshine if you leave early!

Once you have arrived at the correct room at the correct time, it's important that you take a seat towards the front. If you're early, as advised, there should be plenty of space near the front. This ensures that the teacher understand that you are a serious student and that you are ready for a challenge. Also, students near the front get called on less frequently than those who sit in the back and look as if they're sleeping and drooling instead of taking notes. Try and make eye contact (I know; scary!) with the teacher and smile, demonstrating that you are friendly and willing student. Making this impression will promise you minimal interaction while having to speak out loud in front of the rest of your less impressive class.

Always take notes in class, unless you already know the material. Now, you don't have to write down everything. Because if you tried to do that, your hand would fall off. And also, not everything is relevant. This is the true struggle of class. It's not the homework, it's not the tests or quizzes, it's determining what you might need to know and reference in the future. There are only a few rules for taking notes that are without exception.1. If the professor says, "You should write this down", "This will be on a test", "This will help you with an essay", or any other of these variations write it down. 2. If something the professor says amuses you, write it down (because then when you read your notes, you'll be amused all over again and your mood will brighten).

Also, all the people (adults) who told you what college was going to be like while you were in high school were probably lying. They probably told you that there wouldn't be group projects (lies) and they probably told you that your professors would assign something and that would be the last you heard of it until it was due (lies) and they probably told you that college would be harder than high school (lies). You see, adults have lost touch with college. Even if they think they're still right up there with the youngin's, they're probably a little bit over the hill when it comes to college. So, you'll just have to laugh at them now when you understand how college really is (but only laugh where they can't see you, because they have very fragile feelings).

Study for tests. Study for quizzes. Do your homework. Ignore the people who tell you that you should be stressed about college classes. They are jealous of your beautifully effortless academic skills. Ha! You didn't think people would be jealous of you for your skills! But they are. Rejoice in this. It will leave you with hope.