Welcome to a New, Unfamiliar, Dangerous Life

Good morning, afternoon or evening! I hope you find yourself in good health, because finding good health is one of the hardest parts of college ever! You see, college kids aren't very good at keeping their germs to themselves. They're horribly over-possessive of everything except their germs. And this, my friends, is college.

Perhaps, if you're reading this, you're like me. You're a little bit homesick; you miss you friends and your parents and your pet parakeet. You haven't quite made friends yet, although there are people you'd like to be friends with, and there are people you occasionally eat dinner or lunch or breakfast with. You get maybe a little bit sad when you see your old friends posting about how well they've adjusted to their college life, while you're stuck here being jealous of their apparently abundant social skills. You might sometimes still get lost, even though your campus is the size of a grain of rice. If these things sound like you, you've come to the right place!! The world is ours for the seizing, Socially Impaired College Students!

You see, I've been at college for almost two whole weeks now, and obviously this means I know everything. No. Just kidding. The people who know everything are definitely the more socially able kids of the bunch. But what I do know is how to survive. I survive, and I enjoy survival. So here, I am going to teach you the basic skills you need to go to college as someone with underdeveloped social progess.

Now please, do not take offense to the Socially Impaired part of this narrative. I agree, there may be a better way--a more politically correct way--to tell people that we as a group aren't the best at having, making and keeping friends. But there is not a more direct way. And sometimes directness is the best way to venture.

I know that many of you are very intelligent creatures, as I am myself. I believe that this is part of our problem. We are too smart for the rest of the universe, and they simply try to make us more invisible than we rightly deserve. This is only because they are afraid. If you find yourself alienated in your classes, it might very well be because no one else there is up to your level. Especially in the first year/semester, this is probably the case. But just you wait until you start taking classes in your major, and classes that aren't general eds. that have to be toned down so even the weakest mind can pass.

You didn't know college was going to be easier than high school.

And with that, I shall leave you. I should be out exploring, gathering more wisdom to share with you as I wander around campus alone, taking pictures of random statues, avoiding the gazes of others and hoping not to be judged. Stay strong, fellow sociological students of social impairment. The world of college is at our fingertips.